Glorious Way Church
Glorious Way Church equips believers for the work of the ministry and stands for God’s truth in our culture. We serve as a regional center, where people from all backgrounds find refreshing worship and true communion of the saints.
Glorious Way Church
Christian Dating 101 | Marriage & Family Series 2
The journey of singleness is often clouded by misconceptions that leave many feeling incomplete, anxious, or confused about their path forward. In this conversation, we unpack ten dangerous lies about single living that have infiltrated both secular culture and Christian thinking, replacing them with biblical truths that bring freedom and purpose.
Let's just open up in prayer, if you would Bow your heads with me and agree in prayer. Heavenly Father, we love you and we honor you tonight, and we thank you for your written word, your holy written word. It was spoken first and then it was written so that it could be spoken again, and so we cherish your word. We're going to be speaking your word, declaring some things tonight. Holy Spirit, breathe life on what is spoken tonight. Lord, I pray that everybody who's here will hear and perceive all the things that they need to know. They come with varying needs and varying stages in life and, holy Spirit, you meet people where they're at and you help us come up and out of where we are and into the place where you've designed us to be, and so we just lean on you for help tonight. We thank you for these things in Jesus name, amen. So again, welcome everybody. Thank you for being here on a Wednesday night.
Speaker 1:Just for the record, not everybody here is single. If you're married, you're not looking to be single. Some of you have been married before and maybe you're not now. Some of you may be single and looking, but really the message tonight is going to pertain to everyone. And why is that? Because you've either been here before, you're in the middle of it or you're on your way to go through it. But beyond all of that, you are all able ministers of God's word, and so what you're hearing tonight are going to be tools that you're going to pick up and carry with you when you leave here tonight, and you're going to be able to help others around you. You're going to be able to help your grandkids, your kids, your niece, your nephew people in your life. You're going to be able to help them with the things that you hear and learn tonight. I am not going to do all the talking. Claire is sitting here, looking real pretty, and I have said everything. Claire, do you have anything to add?
Speaker 2:I would like to just get started, but unless we just circle back to what my dad preached last week, he laid a great foundation just out of Ephesians 5 and how marriage is God's plan. It really is, and just because we might not be married right now, god might have a plan. So let's stay open to that, because two really is better than one. And he went through that, and so we just know that God is planting seeds in all of our hearts. If we're married, we can be joyful in that and we can learn how to help others.
Speaker 1:Amen.
Speaker 2:And we're experts in this matter, because I am more of an expert than James.
Speaker 1:She was single a lot longer than I was.
Speaker 1:I was single longer than James was, so I'm just a newbie at this right here than James was. So I'm just a newbie at this right here, um, but we're, we're, let's just jump into it and get started. And so this is a little bit different format tonight and you've got some notes, who, uh, if you're here in person, um, and the title of of this, the way we're going to do this tonight, the way that it's formatted, is 10 lies about single living, and so we're going to address the lie and then see what God's word has to say about it, and Claire and I will go back and forth on these. So, again, we're going to do this for about 26 minutes and then we're going to jump into our groups and have those private conversations in a little bit. So the first lie about single living, lie number one single people are incomplete and must find their other half, and so this says that you're basically half a person floating around looking for your other half. And you know you might walk in, like I did, and look at Claire and say you complete me, and then we get no, you are not a half a person. That is the lie. Right there is that you're a half a person. So the truth is you are loved and claimed by Jesus, a whole person, just as you are.
Speaker 1:If you go back to Genesis, chapter two, god created male and female, but he started with a man, and I'm just going to run through that real quick. So God created humankind. The Hebrew calls them Adam, humankind, and it was the first thing God created. That wasn't good. He said it's not good that man should be alone. And so this gets into the God's plan for the family. God's design for all of us was set in the beginning. It's not good that man should be alone. And so he put into God's plan for the family. God's design for all of us was set in the beginning it's not good that man should be alone. And so he put Adam into a sleep and we translate the word in our Bible rib. But God took from Adam's side, or he took Adam's side, in other words, he took a significant piece of Adam. And from Adam he created woman.
Speaker 1:And you heard your pastor go through this Male is ish, woman is Ishah. And man saw Ishah and went ah, that's looking good. And so he was attracted to Ishah. And then the two come together under covenant of marriage and become one. But they didn't start out as two halves. If you look at two places, we'll reference here, but Matthew 19, 5, you can flip there if you want to, or not places we'll reference here, but Matthew 19, 5. You can flip there if you want to or not, but also it's written in Ephesians 5, 31, and I'll read it from there.
Speaker 1:Ephesians 5, 31, it says for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church, and so this is talking about marriage and, as it relates to the church here in Ephesians 5,. But the two shall become one. It's not two halves, it's two individuals, two human beings, and so the lie is that you are half a person.
Speaker 1:For those who are single, though, it's important that we be content in that period of time of singleness. Singleness is not a gift from God, and and you know otherwise, we wouldn't be trying so hard to give it back. You know, god, this is great, but I don't want it, and so you got to be content through that period of time. The singleness period is really a time of training, it's a time of preparation, it's a time of getting ready for the next season. So, just as a baby is born a baby and then moves up to toddler and crawling around and moves up to adolescence and teenage years and and young adulthood, there are seasons and each one of those preceding seasons is a time of preparation for the next. You don't get to jump and skip ahead, you get to go through all the seasons. None of us us are born married Claire and I were but most people are not born married.
Speaker 1:And then a couple of examples out of scripture for singlehood and I'm not going to major on this, we want to major on the majors and minor on things that are minor. But there are people who do live out their entirety of their lives in singleness. And if you're hunting, if you're looking, if you're desiring to have a spouse, I don't want you to feel like, oh well, I'm going to get stuck being single for the rest of my life. That is such a rare case. And the two examples that we have from scripture here Jesus was single and he spent his entire life being single. And if he had dated somebody, well, that would just get weird. I mean, because you've got the Son of God dating somebody who's not, and unequal yoke and all of this, and then you've got Mary, who they already call her the mother of God, and then if they had, it'd just get weird.
Speaker 1:But the life I do and the life of Jesus was completely incompatible. His ministry was incompatible with being a husband to a wife and being a father to his natural born children. That was incompatible. The other one is Paul, and you think about what Paul went through. Paul went through some stuff. He was beaten with many stripes, he spent a night and a day in the deep, he was contending with people for long periods of time in strange places and constantly traveling, and God warned him the things that he would have to suffer for his namesake. So Paul really kind of laid his bed. He set his course of what he would have to do because of the life that preceded his Christianity. But his ministry was completely incompatible with being a good husband to a wife and a good father to natural born children. And so those are rare cases and I don't't wanna major on those things. If you're single, it's a preparation period and be content where you are so God can advance you to the next one.
Speaker 2:Let me just add on Colossians 2, 9 and 10. We have 3, 10, that's a typo, my fault. But Colossians 2, 9 says for in Jesus dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily, and you are complete in him, who is the head of all principality and power. So if you're on the other, in the other case, and you're just feeling like, oh, I'm just, you know, I don't have what I need, you have what you need for this season and just right now this can be your confession. Have what you need for this season and just right now this can be your confession. I am complete in him. I know I have used that one many times over my single life and now we've been married for almost 22 years. But, um, but I was 30 when I got married. Y'all do the math, um I was 22.
Speaker 2:That James Devilry is not dead, ladies, 28.
Speaker 2:Anyway, and I have so this is something that I had to live and just really believe God. And I can tell you that I passed up a chance at 22 to get married and I realized then, thank God, it was so real to me that I would have been a terrible wife. I was not ready. There was still way too much childish selfishness in there and I would never have known how to really give the 100% that it took to be married. So there was just a preparation time that I realized, looking back now, that I needed, and during that time I lived with my mom and dad yes, all during that time and so God gave that extra time to me and I thank God for what my dad was able to pour in. I don't think he was done with me at 18. And when I went off to college he had to debate me on all kinds of issues, but as a woman of the day, I was exposed to a lot of feminist ideas.
Speaker 2:All of that stuff Y'all. You don't even realize how much it just creeps into your mind and that stuff is a lie and it will set you up for failure in marriage. And your mind and that stuff is a lie and it will set you up for failure in marriage, and so I have had to root out those independent thoughts, those you know, all the girl bossing fun time that we have just because, uh, that is, that is a, that is a lie, and we just need to go back and realize that we um, yes, we're complete. We have to learn to be in authority, under under the lord jesus christ, and love and just love that place we're in. If you can love where you are now, then you can love your spouse for the duration, because, guess what, he's not going to be perfect, she's not going to be perfect, and the contentment that you are able to find now. You will need to have that skill of being content in every circumstance.
Speaker 1:So I would just say that so, before we go on to the next one and Claire is going to take the next one here I would say take time to pray for your future spouse. Next one, and Claire is going to take the next one here I would say take time to pray for your future spouse. While you're preparing yourself, trying to become the person that is good marriage material, Pray for your spouse. I was so far she says she wasn't ready. I was broke, broken in debt, discontent. I was a mess and God brought me out of that in fast order and I don't think it was because I did all the right things and I knew how to fix it all, but I know that there were people praying for me and that was part of my preparation. So pray for your future spouse.
Speaker 2:Yes, god brought that man out of the deep. He was a crusty sailor and God brought him back All right. So lie number two this is big. What you do as a single person will not affect your future relationship, will not affect that Know everything. If you are married, will you raise your hand and say everything, everything affects. And even if you're really young and you think, oh, it won't matter, your finances.
Speaker 2:I remember the first time I went out on a date with James and after because now I don't know if I knew on the first date, but about two or three dates in, god was already kind of showing me and I'm like I'm going to end up with this guy. And so then I was like I might not order this filet mignon. You know what I'm saying Because his money, I realized, okay, the money he spends on me now is money that we will not have to begin our life. And I realized instantly that you know, and so that your finances, the, the, the love, joy and peace that you train yourself to walk in every day. If you can't get love, joy and peace and contentment, like I said now, then then it won't be there just because you magically get a ring. Find that and I want to hit sexual purity.
Speaker 2:I was talking to Ms Renee. She's done a lot of marriage counseling over her career and she said her number one issue that people had when they were having marital troubles bar none was pornography. People had when they were having marital troubles, bar none was pornography. And that is because when we engage in that, we train our brain. We have neurons in our brain and pathways in our brain that we are training our sexual response to be a certain way and it is incompatible with a healthy, happy marriage. And so if we do that, if a 12-year-old, 13-year-old, 14-year-old, we've got to protect our kids from the Internet, from those images that are bombarding them all the time, from seeing all of that walking down the street now, in our public schools now.
Speaker 1:It's everywhere.
Speaker 2:It's everywhere, but that affects. And so just our overall maturity level. It's everywhere, it's everywhere, but that affects, and just our overall maturity level. If we're goofy and whatever, I mean sometimes we have to knuckle down and care about things that matter, even when it seems like we don't have anybody else that needs us. Right now we're preparing ourselves for that day.
Speaker 2:And then Ephesians 5, 26,. I mean the husband loves the wife as Christ loves the church, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the water by the word. So staying clean, staying clean before God, learning that skill, because it's harder and harder to walk in that when you have more and more people depending on you. Learn it now and then that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing. Well, I might have a few now, but she should be holy and without blemish. So we just want to get rid of those spiritual things, even those bad habits, those little things that we don't even notice, that we do, but guess what, when we have a spouse, they will be happy to point them out, and so anything that we can learn now and grow through would be awesome.
Speaker 1:Number three so just real quickly finishing up hers. People like to sow their oats before they go and get married. That would be the wrong thing. You're a product of the decisions that you make over the course of your life. You shape your life and where you are by the things that you do and the preparations that you make, and so sowing your oats is not necessary to prepare yourself for marriage. It's detrimental to that Practice. Being married before you're married, try it on while you're by yourself, to save, to be responsible, to treat others around you the way that you want to be treated and you believe that your spouse ought to be treated. So become that in your preparation period and then you'll be ready. Lie number three single people should get used to being alone. If you want to be alone for the rest of your life, then you should be alone now and get real good at it.
Speaker 2:You can move to Alaska.
Speaker 1:There's nothing wrong with moving. Homesteading is good. There are some good homesteaders and I like Alaska and I think we should go sometime. But if you want to practice being alone, just be alone. But if you want to practice what life is like with someone else, then surround yourself with people. Learn how to treat people around you. The truth is, you have a network and we ought to lean on it. If you're single, that means take time to build the people around you. Pour into the people around you. Add value to them. Choose god the people around you. Add value to them. Choose godly people around you. Pour into them as a faithful friend. He who shows himself friendly has many friends. He who waters will also be watered himself. And so when you're pouring out, you're doing a couple of things. You're building up people around you, but you're sowing seed for your own growth and for your own yes.
Speaker 2:I wanted to say that this is a mindset and a mentality of giving, Because we can feel as a single person. I've felt like this a lot. Oh, Malone, everybody has a date to this or that, and I don't have one and I am sad and poor, me. And if we focus on me, me, me, me, me, me, we will have sadness. But if we focus on, hey, who can I pour into today? How can I water someone else, Even if it's just, it's just my friend, it's my cousin, it's a relationship I'm, I know it's. I didn't have a family, you know, outside, but I, but I like to go to choir concerts and track meets and kids in the church who had events. I went to those.
Speaker 1:Find your people. Your people are out there and you got to find them. And you know, claire and I got married because we had people, and so the short testimony here is that I grew up in Corpus Christi and my family went to a particular church in Corpus and then there was a period where I got out of church but Claire and her family came to Corpus and you've heard pastor talk about his time in Corpus. Well, where did they land? They landed in that church and so we overlapped there and yet we never knew each other. But we knew the same people, we had the same network. So that later in life, when you're a lot closer to being ready for marriage, what happened? That network started helping us. It delivered, it did, and, uh, they talked to her about me, they talked to me about her, they lied to me about her, they lied to her about me, they made up good stuff and it resulted in we got, we met and uh, and we got married. Uh, in short order, not too short.
Speaker 2:One year.
Speaker 1:One year after we met, we were married, and that was a product of our network. So build your network, build people around you. Don't be alone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I would even say even Jesus and Paul. We look to them as great examples, but they weren't alone. They were never alone. Jesus was constantly surrounded by disciples. Paul was constantly pouring into people in the churches, traveling around, that they would be enriched by the good fellowship between you and me. He was praying for them by name. He was connecting to people. He was not a hermit, and God doesn't want you to be a hermit. So if you have, if you feel like a hermit we're going to talk about today you will have a chance in your groups to start getting some ideas about how to not be a hermit, how to start investing in people, because that will give you fulfillment. Amen, that is the only way through. This single period is with lots of friends in the network and you can build yours All right.
Speaker 2:Number four the lie. Number four if God doesn't speak to me, I should not date them. This is wrong. Thinking this is over-spiritualizing a simple date and, believe me, the other person might feel it. I have been on dates where people told me it was the Lord's will. On date number one, it was the Lord's will. God told them that I should marry them and that did not work out well, um, it should. You should just be able, and and James, we'll talk about some basic uh standards. We have basic standards, but you know, regarding the like, if they meet the basic standards, can't we just go have a cup of coffee? Can't we just have just to see if there's a friendship? And if you're a young person, I would encourage you not to be alone with the other, with the, with the person on a date by yourself. Hey, you have a network right now. You can hang out with friends and you can get to know a lot of qualities, and so that if there's you can still sit next to them you can still sit next to them.
Speaker 2:You can still sit next to them, um, but if you, uh, but can you hold hands? Can you hold hands? Would any parents like to offer an answer to this? No, no, well, if, you're my daughter.
Speaker 1:No, Anyway.
Speaker 2:But I just would say stop spiritualizing everything as long as they are a believer, and we'll go into that. But now I want to also talk about there's a peace that you can have, and then if there's a resistance that you feel about somebody, it could be the Holy Spirit saying no, don't do it, that's not for you. But it could also just be your brain being nervous, having natural jitters about getting out of your comfort zone and doing something new, and asking somebody for coffee can make your hands sweat a little bit. That can be nerve-wracking actually, and so learn when to push through that natural nervousness. But if it's actually the Holy Spirit, you will know. You will know that you do know, and I can tell you right now every situation I really did know on the inside.
Speaker 2:There are times your brain doesn't want to admit it, but you know if there's a no, there's a no, and sometimes there's just not. You're not, you can't tell yet, and so it's fine to just have coffee with that person, treat them with honor, expect them to treat you with honor If you have any doubt at all, or especially if you met them online. Did we just talk about network? We did not mean that you should meet someone online, because actually that way worked for a while. It was kind of a shortcut. If you didn't have a lot of friends you could just go on farmersonlycom and it sort of worked for a while and y'all can discuss that in your groups if it has worked. I have seen people that it did really work for.
Speaker 1:But you don't even know who you're talking to on the interweb. You can't know the catfishing scams, the craziness.
Speaker 2:It is such a risk factor that is a major red flag. I would not do that right now in this climate. Anyway, that said, let the Lord just overcome some of your jitters and just have coffee with somebody in a public place. And Philippians 4, 6, be anxious for nothing, Pray about it instead. Thank God for your and then the peace of God. Let the peace of God rule and reign in your heart. It'll be an umpire. You'll either have the peace of God about that person, and that doesn't mean you're supposed to marry him. It just means it's okay for you to have coffee with them again. It's okay. Let the relationship unfold without over-spiritualizing.
Speaker 1:The dating can also be preparation for dating and learning how to do that and do it the right way, with good intentions and keeping things in the right order. If it ever becomes wrong, she said, you'll know. I think the pastor sometimes said it's kind of like taking a bath with your socks on. It's just not right. If it ever gets to that point, you need to just be respectful and cut it off and move on. Don't take things beyond. When you know it's a no, don't keep moving down that road. That's a good course correction time.
Speaker 2:It's cruel and unusual.
Speaker 1:All right number five so you can hold hands and you can sit next to them. But I'll tell you what I told my daughter when she went out. I looked the boy in the eye and told him that whatever you do, to her.
Speaker 2:I'm going to do to you.
Speaker 1:Y'all have a good time. So that didn't last.
Speaker 2:That was terrifying.
Speaker 1:So number five lie. Number five you need to know and this is very similar. You need to know who you will marry, or that you will marry someone before you go out on that date. So you need to know that you're actually going to get married with this person before you ever date them. That's clearly a lie, because this is a period of learning, a period of growth, of preparation. Don't put that kind of pressure on someone in the date. Keep everything a little bit light and it's a discovery Really. Ultimately, you're discovering God's will and God's path, and you can't steer a parked car and the Holy Ghost can't steer you if you're parked. And so stay flexible, but keep moving. Claire talked about this. Treat them with honor all the way through, but there are some limitations on this. Don't go out and get no missionary dating.
Speaker 2:Yes, this is the basic the basic minimum standard.
Speaker 1:You know, when I started date it was two legs and a heartbeat and the legs were optional. No, you've got to have a better standard than that. Set the bar where God put it. Are they a born-again believer? That's the number one, right there. Number one don't be unequally yoked. In 2 Corinthians 6, 14, it says Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? Or communion with light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has the believer with the unbeliever? You're the temple of the Holy Spirit. You're not the temple of idols. So find your people and set the minimum standard of a born-again believer.
Speaker 1:You don't need to begin a relationship hoping that they're going to get saved. If you're a woman and you're going to marry a man and he's not a believer, well you're putting somebody into the head of the household position to lead your family and to lead you that way. Who's not spiritually equipped to do that? Your family and to lead you that way? Who's not spiritually equipped to do that? And number two they have to be at least be open to the infilling of the holy spirit. If they're completely shut off to that, that would be a red flag to say nope, I can't even, we can't even go on a date. If you're just shut down about that, how are you going to lead this family without the holy ghost?
Speaker 2:that's a minimum standard. Many, many would-be suitors had to die on that hill in my life because there were nice Baptist boys. They made good money and they dressed good and smelled good, they had all their teeth and it was great. But, man, they had a certain doctrine that I could not submit to them as the head of my house. I knew once I'd had that conversation, and maybe it was on date one or two, but when I had that conversation that was frequently a red flag oh, they are not hungry for more of God, they're just happy as they can be right where they are. And I knew that if I'm the one that has the big AK-47 in the spirit, but I'm trusting that person to be my head of my house, then I'm going to be unequally yoked, and so I didn't want that. So that was a big one for me.
Speaker 1:So Claire and I came from the same church in Corpus Christi.
Speaker 2:We had roughly the same spiritual upbringing at least the same lines of teaching Businessmen. Fellowship International. Amen Carol.
Speaker 1:Yep, my dad was in that too, so we basically had the same stuff. But she was living this and I was not To a point very just right before we met. I was just coming back to what I needed to be doing. I was just getting in that role. We have one. No, we got. We can go past 830, a few minutes past 830. But I just want you to know that God brought me a long way in a very short period of time. And so you know, just because they're not everything doesn't mean you have to rule them out. At least keep, keep, keep an open mind. If they're a born again believer and open to the Holy Spirit or full of the Holy Spirit, set that as your standard.
Speaker 2:Those are so important, though, because otherwise you have breakfast at Tiffany's. Have y'all heard that? I mean, I'm not a big, but if the only thing you have in common with somebody is the favorite movie that you liked and, oh, my favorite color is in I like to eat pizza too. I like long walks on the beach that is not going to sustain you, and you can have a big whirlwind romance based on all of that superficial junk at the top, and that is completely worthless.
Speaker 1:At the right time. You're going to know. It's going to be a yes or it's going to be a no.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, those things are fun and we should have a lot of that, but it will not sustain you. So Jesus is the answer. Okay, lie. Number six we must be in the same vocation, we have to have the same career path, and that is so not true, and I think that's obvious. Number seven Number seven. Just look for somebody that complements your path in life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she's working at a church and I'm studying engineering and becoming an engineer, so clearly that's a good fit, right, and ultimately it was. So this engineer had to make some changes and I'm glad I did. Number seven it's a red flag that they don't meet my wish list. How many have a wish list or had a wish list?
Speaker 2:Oh, it was really long. It was long.
Speaker 1:You know I'm thinking about my wish list here. She's got to be able to grow tomatoes, she's got to skin a buck and run a trout line and she's got to have a boat and I want to see the picture of the boat.
Speaker 2:He did ask me if I had a boat. I said yes, I have two.
Speaker 1:And I got so excited when she said she had two, I stopped. I should have asked for the picture of the boat because they're the little rinky-dink kayaks and I'm used to sailing on a ship in the ocean and it was a little bait and switch there. But the list how many know that? God knows exactly what's going to fit and complement your life and sometimes we just have a view and an image of everything that's going to be perfect and what we want out of this and it might not be the best thing, and so I really didn't have a big long list. The boat was on there, that's true. And now you know we go sailing and she gets seasick, so we don't go sailing. But God knows and we're a good fit and uh, and there's a good fit for you. But just don't get so hung up on the list. Did you have a long list?
Speaker 1:at one point I did, and then it just fell away, fell away did I meet anything on the list?
Speaker 2:picked on. Well, I think you're very handsome, but humor, humor, humor was on the list. Humor was definitely on the list. And so James hit that big and I did have a lot of supernatural guidance. You won't always have that, but I did because you can see that our vocations didn't seem to match. There was a little few things that were like I'm not sure about that, but God gave me the supernatural guidance I need, and many of y'all know that story that it was. It was actually early in a conversation we were having and I was just just trying to see if he was really a Christian. You know, a lot of people are like, yeah, I go to church. And so I was like well, what scripture really speaks to you? What's your favorite scripture?
Speaker 1:And Psalm 107, 23,. They go down to the sea and ships and do business in the great waters. These see the works of the Lord and his wonders in the deep.
Speaker 2:That's what James immediately answered and I thought well, that is the most obscure favorite scripture I have ever heard, but it does happen to be the first scripture that dad ever preached in our church, in our first church service at Glorious Way Church, and I knew God knew that I needed a man that would fit into my crazy family in this crazy ministry where people run around the church and people scream in tongues and fall out and I thought who is going to be up for that?
Speaker 2:There's only one other. Yeah, derek. Derek married into Carol's family and he he's okay with it. God help him.
Speaker 1:So you don't need to be focused on a list. Really, you got to be focused on you. And how can you become the best marriage material, the best spouse for your future husband or wife?
Speaker 2:you turn that list around, spin the list on yourself and become that become that thing number eight that's great, okay, um, number eight is your first year of marriage will be miserable. Just get used to it. It's the ball and chain. And that is true for some couples, sadly. It is true because they have not prepared during that time of dating. So if you are single and you're dating someone, do the legwork to prepare yourself and really ask those questions and get expectations, big expectations, out there. What are you expecting? And Joseph and Flora were telling me. Pastor Joseph was telling me that you know, he just kind of laid it out what some of the things he wanted I think food was, I think cooking a lot, you know.
Speaker 1:We had a couple of things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we did. We had a couple of things. I was going to do all the laundry.
Speaker 1:I like laundry, let me do the laundry and I put the toilet paper roll on on the roll there I hate doing the toilet paper roll I got the best end of that deal and besides she didn't do it right. Anyway, she puts it under the bottom. Clearly it goes over the top.
Speaker 2:that is a libelous statement. Um, all right anyway, but really our first year of marriage was awesome, and it really did. It's really just how well are you prepared? What were your expectations going into it? And so then you can make that first year and, especially if you've prepared yourself, you are as strong as you can be. You've dealt with some of those selfish inclinations, because, let me tell you, there's no room for selfishness in marriage at all. And so in any of that poor me, if you ever have self-pity, please kill it. Please kill it now, because it will not serve you in a marriage, or a parenting, for that matter, or really in a friendship. A lot of these things can be applied across the board, even in just being a faithful friend, and so you can do that. All right. Number nine this is a big one.
Speaker 1:All right. Number nine Sexual purity only matters until marriage. It matters more after marriage, but it absolutely matters before marriage. Maintaining purity in your thoughts and actions is a lifelong call with a very big payoff. What are you saying?
Speaker 2:Do not have sex before you are married. I feel like we have to say it now because in this culture people don't know. And we read the Bible and it says fornication. It uses big words, but that's what it means.
Speaker 1:Fornication means sex.
Speaker 2:Do not have sex before marriage. There is a reason why Go ahead.
Speaker 1:It matters so much before marriage because what you do before is a picture of who you're going to be in that marriage and you're demonstrating to your spouse, with everything leading up to that, of the kind of person you are and the things you do and the habits you have. And so it's a picture and it's you're building trust with your life before marriage so that when you can walk into that marriage in the best possible position, you've got standing, you've got good ground, you've got a track record to run on. If you've gotten this wrong along the way, stop it and just move forward off of that. Don't beat yourself up over past mistakes. Become. This goes back to becoming the person. Forget about the list of what the other person needs to be. Work on yourself and become the person that you need to be for that marriage. You want to become the best spouse for that marriage and so work on that in advance of this.
Speaker 1:And this sexual purity is critical to that. So the scripture we have going along with that is 1 Thessalonians 4, verse 3. It says for this is the will of God, your sanctification that you should abstain from sexual immorality. So that's all kinds of sexual immorality. That's not just a man with a man or a woman with a woman or any of the strange LGBT things out there. This is inclusive of heterosexual activities before marriage. Sex is an act of marriage and it's a covenant act of marriage and God created it and he created a beautiful thing. He created it for our enjoyment. It's part of the covenant of marriage, but it's meant for marriage and so it needs to stay in marriage.
Speaker 1:And if you've got it wrong, don't beat yourself up. Move past it. Let's read the rest of that that you should abstain from sexual immorality, that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in the sanctification and honor. And so you are a vessel. We're not our own. We are bought with a price. We are the temple of the Holy spirit. Treat your body like a temple, not like a tent, not in passion how to possess. Let's see, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles or the heathens who don't know God that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this manner, and so that's having relations with someone that doesn't belong to you, because the Lord is the avenger of all, such as we also forewarned you and testified for.
Speaker 1:God did not call us to uncleanliness, but holiness. And so you know we live in a hypersexual world right now. Everything on TV, on the internet, on social media, in advertising it's all around you and you're constantly being bombarded with that. And so how do you combat that? It requires a brainwashing where there's been a brain polluting. If your brain's been polluted all day, then you need to brainwash, and I guess there'll be more discussion on that in the groups. Brainwash, and I guess there'll be more discussion on that in the groups, but I just want to flip over to James, chapter one, verse 14,.
Speaker 1:And then we'll move on to the last one here, and a lot of each one of these could be blown out in its own message. But James 1, 14,. But each one, when he is tempted, is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. And so you have desires on the inside, and those are fleshly and and your spirit is a reborn, new creature, new creature. And so you've got your spirit living in this fleshly body that's called the temple of the Holy spirit. And then you've got your mind that makes the deciding choice in all of these matters, and so you can't help that. You're going to be tempted, it is going to happen, it's out there, we're being bombarded with it constantly.
Speaker 1:It says but each one, when he is tempted, when he's drawn away of his own desires and enticed, it says that that gives birth to sin. It says that that gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is fully grown, brings forth death. And so to trip up and fall and sin is to make a mistake. But to keep going down that path for long periods of time without repenting and turning around is what leads to death. And so when that comes, brainwash.
Speaker 2:Because if you don't, then there's a couple of things that can happen. Dad mentioned that last week all the demonic activity because you're joining yourself to that person and now you're open to all of their familiar spirits. Let's say you don't end up marrying them. Now you've defrauded the person who is going to marry them. That's bad seed that you've sown there. Now also, let's say you do end up marrying them, but now they know that you're willing to kind of go back on the word a little bit and when you want something bad enough, you might break God's law and you might just say you didn't understand how to control your passion of lust and possess your vessel in honor and you didn't learn how to overcome those temptations when they came to you. And so now your spouse is going to wonder well, is he really working late? Huh, you know. I mean, maybe he lacked self-control and discipline before we were married and maybe he still lacks it after. And so now there's a trust issue in your marriage.
Speaker 2:So you see how important it is to lay that foundation. And it does not. It's not a reflection that you don't love and want that person, but you just have to learn how to delay that, because that is what the word, that's God's plan, and it's always better. It's always better and it will always yield good fruit. And that's how you stay married for a long time, as you lay a good foundation, all right. And then finally, number 10, number 10, line number 10 if I can just get married, all my problems will be resolved. Oh, I can just get married. Um, and that is not the truth. Everybody who's married say amen.
Speaker 1:Amen.
Speaker 2:Amen. Actually, if marriage actually highlights those things, those holes in your soul, those character flaws that you have not yet dealt with, those feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, pride, self-pity, list, any problem in your personality, and it will be magnified in marriage, because now there are two people sets of problems that they haven't dealt with and it it compounds. And so what you want to do is bring the very best version of yourself into the marriage. First, wait on the right timing, trust in the Lord he will bring it to pass, and seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added.
Speaker 2:So don't let chasing this relationship, this idea, oh, being married, and we put that on it Like we can idolize anything. Why would we idolize anything over God? There is nothing in this world that is that can stand in the place of God himself. And his word is true. It is enough for you, his grace is sufficient for you. You might have to say that every day, god's grace is sufficient for me. I ran, I trained for a marathon, just hitting the pavement, and with every step in my running shoe I would be like his grace is sufficient for me. I would just have to really drill that into myself because I wasn't ready to get married. I was not prepared until I was Hallelujah, and so I was ready when James came along, and so I just would encourage you don't put marriage itself on the and idolize that. Don't put that up on a pedestal.
Speaker 1:It's not the answer to all the problems. It is a new field of your life that has a whole new set of challenges to go with it. But it says that a threefold cord is not easily broken. So you've got two people coming together under the covenant of marriage, but you're also in covenant with the Holy Spirit. He's your helper and he's a very present help.
Speaker 2:Amen. And then we have additional information that you will have received in your handout, called Christian Dating 101. So we didn't cover a lot about once you are in a relationship, but there are some great things here, and you can cover that on your own time, and at this time, though, we were going to close out our live stream with this thought but let patience have its perfect work. That you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
Speaker 1:And what book is that in?
Speaker 2:That is in James.
Speaker 1:James, okay 1-4. Just wanted to be good, james 1-4.
Speaker 2:Yes, I had a good friend that would call me every now and then at the office, and it was when I was answering the church phone Glorious Way Church and it would be my friend and that was the scripture, anyway. So, anyway, at this time, thank you for joining us. If you join us by live stream, god bless you and we'll see you again on Sunday morning.
Speaker 1:And meanwhile, and we've got more of Good morning.